I have arrived

I head into the new year with a changed identity. Sometime during the last few weeks I have arrived at that place where I look forward to lifting weights and making my lungs ache and my heart race.

I have become "a person who works out". You know, when you are getting to know somebody new and you describe your job, and your hobbies and your interests and your beliefs...this is part of my list:

- I am a Christian.
- I'm a widow.
- My politics are mostly conservative.
- I work as a project manager.
- I like to sing, and bowl and bake cookies.
- I work out.

Who would have thought this would ever happen? Actually, I'm not completely surprised. Just really, really proud of myself! Do I have a long way to go, fitness-wise? You bet. But look how far I've come!

I leave you with good holiday wishes, spelled out in a cookie:


This was on top of a basket of cookies that I gave my trainer for Christmas. He ate this cookie in front of me while I worked out. Dude, that was cruel!

One tough broad

Do you know why the battles in my mind are the toughest to win? Because I'm fighting myself, and I am ONE TOUGH BROAD. Just ask my trainer. Don't worry...he didn't call me that. He did try to give me a nickname once, with less than satisfactory results (we settled on Judie...very original).

But if you did ask him, I think he would say he is impressed with me (most days, that is). At least he was yesterday, when on a whim he decided to start our session with a basketball drill. Now you have to realize that I am within spitting distance of 50, and the last time I held a basketball my trainer probably couldn't even hold his binkie (which means pacifier in my family's language...what did you think I meant?).

I did pretty well...once I almost knocked his glasses off passing the ball. He taught me how to shoot baskets (B.E.E.F...Balance, Eyes, Elbow, Follow-Through). It only took a few minutes for me to get ten baskets. Then I did a victory lap dribbling around the gym. Fifteen minutes of fun with a heart rate in the 160's. Sweeeeeet! Look out Senior WNBA...here I come!

Then we did endurance sets...50 reps. I know he's impressed when he smiles when I'm done with a routine. Either that, or he's just thought of something funny. I choose to believe he's impressed. And that young man smiled a lot yesterday.

You know why you never quit? Because when things are dark and seem hopeless and you think you are wasting your time, all of the sudden things change. You break through some invisible barrier, and what you once thought of as an unpleasant chore (and some days torture) becomes a hell of a lot of fun. Burning 2058 calories in 90 minutes is a nice little reward too!

I know there will be days when working out is a chore again, when it's the last thing I want to do. But I want to remember yesterday and know that it's possible for me - of all people - to become fit and healthy and have fun being physical.

The battle rages on

I'm still here. It's been a rough couple of months. Some weeks I get to the gym five or six times, some weeks only one or two. The scale goes up and down. I eat too much and work too much and sleep too little.

But the battle is not with the scale, or the food, or the clock. It is with myself, in my mind, between the person I think I am and the person I want to be. The battles of the mind are the toughest to win.

I will not quit.

Official Stats

I actually do "fit" into size 24 slacks, but they're too snug for me to wear in public so it doesn't quite count.

New Stats

OK, I can't give you all the official stats using my chart, because my computer crapped out a while ago and I haven't re-installed my MS Office Suite and I'm too tired right now.

But I can't wait! I lost another 7 pounds on the scale...I'm now 293! Not bad, considering I spent the first week after my last measurement gaining four pounds, and the week after that losing those four pounds.

Yeah me!

Zumba

Now that was FUN!

Took my first Zumba class at the gym tonight. What a blast! The hour went by quickly, and I burned over 1,000 calories!

ZUMBA!

Checking in

Wow...I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted.

Things are good. I've been continuing to exercise 4-5 times a week at the gym, and have started doing a morning routine at home as well. I've also been concentrating on better eating, including cooking and bringing my lunch to work instead of going out.

Next measurement day is in a week.

Good news

I lost those four pounds I gained last week, plus one more. Which means...

...drumroll please...

I AM NOW UNDER 300 POUNDS!!! 299 is my new favorite number!

Actually, 290 is my new favorite number. Ten pound goals seem like a good idea, eh?

Setback, step forward

Last week I was visiting the family in Michigan, and had fully intended to work out every day. I didn't have a gym to go to, but I had equipment to use. Well, I worked out once in that week. And I ate too much. And I gained four pounds.

I got back with the trainer on Saturday, but our session was somewhat tame because of me having been essentially dormant for a week. And I had also strained my knee bowling, so we had to be careful there.

But last night - WOW - we stepped it up a BIG notch. We worked harder and faster and with heavier weights that I had ever used before. I was ready, having eaten well (lots of lean protein) and warmed up for a long time. It was amazing! And my trainer was thrilled. We both knew this day would come.

Don't ever quit. When you have a setback, it just might be a prelude to a huge advance.

It must have been the chicken wings

Probably not a good idea to go out for drinks and salty appetizers the night before you get measured at the gym. Live and learn.

I came SO CLOSE to that milestone I wanted today, which was to say goodbye to that "300" slot on the balance beam scale once and for all. But I am still way pumped by my progress:
It's a happy birthday for me - 48 and feeling great!

The shape of things to come

For me, it will be a triangle before it's an hourglass again.

Time for a new picture. My original pictures were from May, so this is three months later. I started regular exercise on June 19th. The weight is starting to come off, and I am one size smaller in clothes. And that size is already loose. But it seems to be coming off faster from the top.

That's OK, I'll take it.


This is me at Navy Pier in Chicago last weekend.

We're doing measurements on Friday...and I believe there's a big "milestone" announcement to come (pleasepleasepleaseplease).

Toot! Toot!

That's me tooting my own horn. A nice change from my little pity party* earlier this week, no?

Tonight I did a full body workout on my own. The trainer gave me the routine...and I did it. I might not have done as much as I could have because I wasn't sure what weight I had been doing before. But I did 50 reps of 10 exercises. Yep, that would be 500 reps!

Also, I used the heart rate monitor to take a "fitness test" this morning. It measures your resting heart rate and gives you a fitness score. Unfortunately, we didn't do this when I first started 10 weeks ago, so I don't know where I was then. But as of this morning's test (assuming I did it right), my fitness level is...

...drum roll please...

45 - Elite

Huh?

I don't know exactly what it means. But that sure sounds good, doesn't it?

*Everyone has bad days. The trick is to always remember that it will pass.

Food: it's a four-letter word

I thought I would celebrate the start of my 10th week of regular exercise by finally talking about the subject I have been avoiding. My relationship with food is complicated. It's not a love/hate relationship, but it is definitely dysfunctional.

One of my first memories is of eating so many cookies in kindergarten that I threw up. Same result on Mother's Day when I was eight or nine, except then it was cheese and crackers. In my teens I began a love affair with Ronald McDonald (we have broken up several times, but I keep going back). I was in my twenties the first time I ate an entire box of big chocolate donuts. I gained 100 pounds in a year, and I still have almost every one of them. I have not weighed less than 245 pounds in over twenty years.

I use food the way some people use alcohol or drugs or other addictions. Compulsive eating, binge eating...whatever you want to call it. What is so frustrating about it is that I can sometimes go weeks or months without an episode. Then I have days or weeks of uncontrolled consumption. I mostly binge on sweets, but sometimes its meat and potatoes or pizza or hot dogs. It's never veggies, unless you count potatoes as a veggie (which nobody does).

I've done a lot of research, and have come to the conclusion that a combination of a genetic predisposition to addiction (alcoholism on both sides of the family) and establishing these emotional eating patterns early in life is my problem. Neither of these, thank God, is impossible to overcome.

So I'm taking a clue from my success with exercise, and have decided to find a coach to help me with the food side of the fitness equation. Or coaches. Or a group. Or I may go back to a group I was part of a few years ago. Whatever it takes.

Those of you who have never had a food issues probably cannot even imagine what it is like to be compelled to eat even when you know it's hurting you. You may see somebody like me and be completely baffled...not knowing how the hell a person lets herself get that way. You may feel digust or you may feel sympathy.

When you see an obese person keep this in mind...you might be seeing someone who is where I was in my twenties - out of control and overeating to relieve stress or dull pain. Or you might be seeing somebody like me today - working on it, making progress, one day or one meal at a time.

And before you judge too harshly, take a good look at your own life. Contemplate whether you use anything - drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, television - as a way to relieve your stress or dull your pain. And then give thanks that food is not your drug.

Because you can be addicted to almost anything and still look attractive to the world. But being fat in this society sucks.

In case I forgot to say it tonight...

...thank you!

That's for my trainer, who coached me through an awesome workout tonight. I gave him a hard time (in my smart-ass way), but there is no doubt he is doing a great job with me. He knows just how far he can push me, and when I can do five more reps.

I was feeling a little blue today, but now I feel on top of the world!

Howdy

It's been a while since I posted. I'm doing good...continuing the regular exercise. I'm off to the gym again tonight.

I'm still not doing too great with changing my eating habits, but I'm working on it.

Progress, not perfection.

Alert the media!

I, your humble Aunt Judie, have now worked out seven (SEVEN) freakin' days in a row!

Three personal training sessions, three hour-long cardio sessions (on the treadmill) and one Turbo Kick class. Total calories burned in those seven days - 2,961. Which, I think you will agree, makes up for my canoe weekend excesses.

Don't worry, I'm taking Friday off.

Know your stuff

"I beg to differ."

That's what my trainer said today when I told him he may not have worked me hard enough in our last session on Thursday. I had not felt worn out or super-sweaty afterwards, and I didn't have any soreness the next day. That's how I was judging the intensity of the workout.

He explained that the statistics from my heart rate monitor said I had indeed worked out hard enough. And he observes me as I work out. He watches how long I can do correct movements before I start to lose control, and monitors my breathing and the color of my face (which looks especially red when I'm not wearing makeup).

Today we worked a little differently, concentrating on my heart rate recovery after each set. And I'm not sure, but I think this was the first time he set one of the machines to 100 pounds. And seeing that made my heart rate go up before I even started the set!

Sometimes in life we base our conclusions on the wrong indicators, because they seem to make sense to us. But unless you really know what you're looking at, you can be way off base and not even know it.

You gotta know your stuff. And if you don't, you need to hire somebody who does. For me, getting professional help with my fitness has been worth every penny.

The fact that I am going into my eighth week is one very accurate indicator of that.

I have turned a corner

OK, so I went on a canoe trip last weekend. Went a little wild and crazy. Drank too much, ate too much, fell out of the canoe too much and smoked two cigars (which was two too much). Then I went on a short business trip. I really meant to exercise once I got to my hotel on Sunday, but my body (and more importantly my mind) just didn't want to cooperate. Neither did the hotel...their gym was closed for remodeling.

I ended up going three full days without exercising. When I got back to the gym last night, the best I could do was an hour on the treadmill at the breakneck speed of 2.5 mph. And today, knowing I was meeting the trainer, I came thisclose to cancelling because I was feeling so sluggish and gunky. Fortunately, I have friends at the office who work out regularly, and when I told them that I didn't want to go to the gym, they told me to go anyway and I would feel better. I hoped they were right.

From the first routine, my muscles sang for joy and my mind cleared! It was like my body was mad at me for NOT working it all those days. Seriously. I had been slightly afraid that I had lost my momentum and might not get it back. But it was awesome to get right back into it!

The trainer didn't exactly take it easy on me tonight, but I left there knowing that I could have done even more than I did. But now that I've told him about this blog, and he reads what I just wrote, I think I'm in for quite a workout on Saturday.

It's gonna be great!

Results

Got my first new stats today (had to cancel my session last night). I actually gained three pounds by the scale, but my body fat percentage went down an amount equal to five pounds. I'm not sure, but I think that means I gained eight pounds of muscle. Sounds about right.

My trainer reminded me (although he didn't have to) that the important thing is that I have been building a foundation of fitness (stronger muscles and a better-conditioned heart) that will allow me to push harder and go longer, so the weight will start coming off faster. Believe me, I take every visit to the gym, and every inch lost, as a victory. After decades of being a couch potato, I am very happy to be where I am now.

So here are the results after six weeks of pretty regular exercise:

Weight: 309 (gained 3 pounds)
Body Fat: 48% (lost 5 pounds of fat)
Upper Arm: 14-1/4" (down 3/4")
Thigh: 26-1/4" (added 2")
Waist: 50-1/4" (down 2-3/4")
Hips: 58-1/2" (down 1/2")
Chest: 51-3/4" (down 2-1/4")

And my clothing size is now 26 for the bottom and 24 for the top.

I have made some minor changes in my food habits, but now it's time to really step up those changes.

More on that next week. I'm offline for the weekend.

Catching up

Wow...it's been a while since I posted. Since last Wednesday I have had three personal training sessions and one cardio session on the treadmill (for an hour again).

That treadmill session was a victory for me, as I had overdone it with pizza earlier in the day, left for the gym at 9:15 PM and had to turn around after a few blocks because I forgot part of my heart rate monitor. With that full stomach I took it easy, but still got an hour in.

On Saturday my trainer introduced this fun new device:


It's a balance trainer. It's like half a ball that you stand on and do exercises. Not as easy as it looks, let me tell you. We used it again tonight. I'm already a little better at keeping my balance.

I'll have my first set of new stats on Wednesday. I don't think I've lost any weight (I might have actually gained). But I know I've lost inches since I'm down a size already.

And I feel fantasic!

America in the gym

As I walked the treadmill for an hour (new record) last night, I noticed how diverse the clientele and the entertainment is at my gym.

There are men and women of all ages and ethnicity. All shapes and sizes too. This isn't one of those gyms where only the already fit and beautiful people are welcome. The place is always bustling with activity...hundreds of machines on two levels, classes going in two studios. And on each of the bikes, treadmills, stair machines and such...a personal television.

The TV on my treadmill wasn't working, which was OK because I brought my iPod with several walking music collections. I kept catching glances at the TVs on the machines in the row in front of me. And for my hour I had "Larry King" (interviewing Barack Obama at one point) on my left, and "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" on my right.

What a country.

Yoga! Yoga! Yoga!

I took a yoga class tonight. First time. I couldn't do much, but what I could do felt SOOOOO good.

I'm still not getting to the gym as often as I would like.

Wacky scales

I haven't posted my weight stat yet, because every time I get on a scale I'm either way up or way down. I know I'm building muscle, but still I don't get it. So I'm not going to weigh myself anymore. I'll just do the monthly official weigh-in and measurements with the trainer. I think I'm due for that at the end of next week.

50/50

I did lots of 50 pound/50 rep exercises tonight. Mostly my arms. I hope I can lift them tomorrow.

It really does feel good to push myself past where I thought I could go. It's a sense of accomplishment every time. How many things can you say that about in a day?

Inspiration

Here are some wonderful stories of women who have lost 100 pounds or more, through diet and exercise, from the Today Show.

Happy retirement to...

...my size 28 work slacks. Worn today for the very last time because they are TOO BIG!

My biggest pants size ever was 30, and I still have those. They will come in handy during my People Magazine/Oprah interview phase. You know, the classic photo of a woman who has lost half her body weight and her entire body fits into one pants leg?

Someday.

Exercise is like laundry

When you think about it, none of us really has to do anything. We are free and can make up our own minds. We don't have to go to work, or pay taxes, or wash the car or do anything we don't want to. We do things we want to do because they give us pleasure. We do things we don't want to do to avoid the consequences of not doing them.

Take the laundry (please). I dislike doing laundry. Always have. It doesn't matter that doing the laundry is a lot easier than it used to be. Growing up, the laundry machines were in the basement, and you had to go outside to walk down there. For many years, we were on the third floor and had to haul it up and down all those stairs in all kinds of weather! It's a lot easier for me now with the elevator. But even when the machines were right in my apartment or house, I still disliked it.

But I do it, because the consequences of not doing it would be quite unpleasant. I sometimes put it off until I have literally nothing left to wear, but I eventually do it. And you know what? It's never as bad as I imagine. It doesn't take long, I can get other things done while the machines do the work, and the feel of clean fresh clothes is very nice. I am constantly surprised at myself and wonder what the big deal was.

And exercise? I don't have to do that either. Until this morning, I had not been to the gym since Tuesday. I cancelled an appointment with my trainer. I didn't go to do the cardio workouts that I am supposed to do on my own between training sessions (which would make the training more effective). I wasn't in the mood, and I wasn't going to do it.

But this morning I realized that, just like the laundry, working out is never as bad as I imagine. As I left the gym after a 30-minute fast walk on the treadmill, I wondered why I was so hesitant to go. I still can't say I particularly like exercising. But I am starting to feel as if the consequences of not doing it are more unpleasant than the exercise itself.

I get by with a little help from...

...the big red ball.

It's called a "balance ball" or "stabilization ball". My personal trainer has been having me use it a lot for various exercises. And tonight - believe it or not - I did 10 pushups! I can't do them the normal way (on my toes) or the modified way (on my knees). But laying on the balance ball I can do 10! Hey, it's a start!

Here's a site that sells them - the Gaiam company.

They also sell this chair, which I am seriously thinking of purchasing:


The idea behind it is that you have to stay balanced and not slide around, so your muscles have to be working all the time as you sit. Plus I don't think you can slouch and stay on the thing.

Interesting.

More stats

Just for the record...

My clothing size is between 26 and 28 (depending on style). Although my size 28 work slacks are already loose.

First "before" pics

I'm back from out of town. I didn't get to do any formal workouts, but I did get plenty of exercise last night on the dance floor! My food was pretty much under control, except for indulging in two cocktails last night and one pierogi with breakfast this morning.

I am heading to the gym for a cardio workout (on the treadmill I think). But before I go I need to post some pictures. I know how inspired I get reading other people's weight loss stories...but it really makes an impact when there are pictures. And since I was brave enough to tell you that I have 59" hips, I figured posting the visual evidence is no big deal.

So here are what I'll call my "before" pictures. They were taken at a bowling tournament last month. I weighed between 315 and 320:
My all-time high weight was 330 about ten years ago.

More photos to come...I promise!

Hurts so good

I didn't make it to the gym last night. I was cleaning my apartment because it really, really needed it. Tonight I had my third personal training session at the gym.

We worked mostly on my upper body...using lots of machines that I found myself grunting at to make 20 reps. It was like I was not going to let those machines beat me! (As if they care.) My trainer is very encouraging, and he watches my heart rate closely (I wear a heart rate monitor during every workout). I was sore after Tuesday's workout, but not too bad. And I know I'll be sore tomorrow.

But I am very much liking the feeling of getting stronger and more flexible.

There's this cool thing at the gym we refer to as the cage. It's almost just like it sounds, but the purpose of it is to support you as you stretch. There is nothing that feels so good than to gently stretch those muscles after a workout. Well, I suppose a deep tissue massage would feel good, but I haven't had one of those (yet).

There is something different about this latest attempt of mine to get fit. I did a round of personal training at another gym about six years ago, and I didn't enjoy it at all. Maybe it's different this time because I'm also watching what I eat (more on that later). Or maybe it is because I'm not afraid I'm going to die because my trainer is taking good care of me. Or maybe I am just at a place and time that is right for this.

Whatever it is, it feels great!

I'm going out of town for the weekend...and I'm taking my exercise gear. I'll report back Sunday night.

This might be a record

I'm pretty sure I have never in my lifetime worked out four days in a row. And I'm scheduled to do two more nights before my weekend out of town.

The really weird thing is, I am ENJOYING it!

Stats - June 19, 2008

During my first visit with the gym's personal trainer last week, he took my baseline measurements so we can track my progress each month.

I know this might sound like a cop-out, but his scale was wrong. Seriously. I was surprised that the number was about six pounds lower than I expected, having weighed myself at home in the morning. They have those doctor's balance-beam scales, but you have to make sure they are in balance before you step on them, and I didn't notice if it was. So I weighed myself on the scale in the locker room and that seemed more accurate. So I'm going to use that number as my official starting weight.

So here goes. My official beginning stats:

Weight: 306
Body Fat: 49.6%
Body Mass Index: 44.3%
Upper Arm: 15"
Thigh: 24-1/4"
Waist: 53"
Hips: 59"
Chest: 54"

The numbers game

Many dieters are emotionally attached to their scales. It is their scale that tells them how they should feel about themselves that week, or that day, or (in very extreme cases) that hour. We who have battled our weight most of our lives still don't get how some days we can be "good" with our food and the scale says we have gained. Then some days after being "bad" the scale says we have actually lost weight.

Body weight is affected by multiple factors...fat gain/loss, muscle mass, water retention, hormones...there is a heck of a lot of stuff going on in our bodies every day that we don't (and wouldn't want to) see! When trying to lose weight, to me it's the trend that counts.

At work we measure all sorts of things to be sure we are delivering our product or service to the customer as quickly and accurately as possible. We plan strategy around these numbers. But we don't change our strategy every day based on what happened the day before. We watch the trends, because we know that multiple factors (most being temporary) affect the numbers.

For example, if your team's productivity target is 10 widgets per person per day, the actual productivity might be 12 one day and 9 the next. You stick to your strategy until the trend starts going down and staying down. Then you look at the cause and adjust accordingly to address the cause and bring productivity back up.

Losing weight is hard enough in itself. Over the years (decades), I have made it a mental and emotional nightmare in several ways, including letting the scale be my guide. This time, while I will continue to weigh myself every day, it will only become part of my "permanent record" here once a week. And the other measurements that they take at the gym will be posted once a month.

Welcome

Hi there, and welcome to my new blog! This one is all about my efforts to lose weight, get fit and live a healthy life.

Whenever I've made a serious attempt to lose weight, I've tried to keep a journal. As much as I like to write, I've never been very successful journaling for long. It's kinda boring, and I sometimes write things that I wouldn't want anyone to find and read someday. But I've always enjoyed reading other people's weight loss stories, especially when there are pictures. So why not just put it all out there for the world to read anyway?

Obligatory Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, I don't play one on TV, and I am certainly no expert on exercise or nutrition. The purpose of this blog is not to give advice. To be honest, the primary reason I am doing this is to make it public, so other people know what I'm doing. Knowing that you are out there reading this will motivate me to keep going. I hope you'll give me support and encouragement.

I am developing a list of 50 things I want to do (or be) by the time I am 50 (in two years, two months and eight days). The first thing on that list will be "I will be fit and healthy".

I'm on my way!