...this blog is DONE!
No, I'm not giving up...I'm MOVING!
A friend recently turned me on to a simply AWESOME web site called SparkPeople (www.sparkpeople.com). I spend a lot of time there now, and members can create their own blogs. So I'm moving my writing there.
I hope you will join me there. Here is a link to my page:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=JUDIESZYD
Thank you.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
What comes first...the mood or the food? (Part 3)
Read from Part 1
So I was all set to write about how I now have a canister of chocolate in my freezer, and how I can have a single piece with my coffee and enjoy it and not have it constantly, lovingly calling me to it from that dark cold place...wait...what was I saying?
OK, so I might not have this thing completely figured out. But here's what I do know is true, for sure, for me:
1. When I eat carbs late at night, I have trouble sleeping.
2. When I have had a bad night's sleep, I tend to overeat, especially carbs and sugar.
3. When I eat carbs and don't burn them off with exercise, all I want is more carbs to eat.
4. When I drink a lot of diet pop, I crave sugar.
5. When I do overeat, it is not because I am weak or lazy or bad or a failure.
6. Food affects my mood.
There is absolutely no doubt that my emotional state has improved dramatically since I started exercising and eating better. Situations that used to set me off are no big deal (most of the time). People who annoy me still annoy me, but I can take things in stride (most of the time). And while I do eat well most of the time, when I don't - like today when one piece of chocolate from my stash turned into many - I don't beat myself up about it. I do what I can to slow the tide, wait to eat until I get physically hungry again, and move forward.
Right now I've got healthy chicken breasts baking in the oven, I am drinking my water and my gear is already laid out for my early morning workout. That's moving forward.
Let's face it...food is pleasurable. It is meant to fuel our bodies and be enjoyed in moderation. Decades of dieting had turned my relationship with food into a perpetual battleground. It doesn't really matter what comes first - the mood or the food. What matters is breaking the cycle so food once again becomes what it was intended to be.
Keep trying until you figure out what works for you.
So I was all set to write about how I now have a canister of chocolate in my freezer, and how I can have a single piece with my coffee and enjoy it and not have it constantly, lovingly calling me to it from that dark cold place...wait...what was I saying?
OK, so I might not have this thing completely figured out. But here's what I do know is true, for sure, for me:
1. When I eat carbs late at night, I have trouble sleeping.
2. When I have had a bad night's sleep, I tend to overeat, especially carbs and sugar.
3. When I eat carbs and don't burn them off with exercise, all I want is more carbs to eat.
4. When I drink a lot of diet pop, I crave sugar.
5. When I do overeat, it is not because I am weak or lazy or bad or a failure.
6. Food affects my mood.
There is absolutely no doubt that my emotional state has improved dramatically since I started exercising and eating better. Situations that used to set me off are no big deal (most of the time). People who annoy me still annoy me, but I can take things in stride (most of the time). And while I do eat well most of the time, when I don't - like today when one piece of chocolate from my stash turned into many - I don't beat myself up about it. I do what I can to slow the tide, wait to eat until I get physically hungry again, and move forward.
Right now I've got healthy chicken breasts baking in the oven, I am drinking my water and my gear is already laid out for my early morning workout. That's moving forward.
Let's face it...food is pleasurable. It is meant to fuel our bodies and be enjoyed in moderation. Decades of dieting had turned my relationship with food into a perpetual battleground. It doesn't really matter what comes first - the mood or the food. What matters is breaking the cycle so food once again becomes what it was intended to be.
Keep trying until you figure out what works for you.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
What comes first...the mood or the food? (Part 2)
Read Part I
What I don't remember about the Great Donut Incident of 1984 is what I ate the night before, how I had slept, or even what the heck was so aggravating to me that morning. If had I arrived at work at 8:00 in a good mood, having had a good night's sleep and perhaps a decent breakfast, what could possibly have happened in one hour to turn me into a raving psycho eating machine?
A recent incident really got me thinking about the mood/food cycle. A few months ago I had a one of those life-changing decisions to make. It seemed to be the right time for me to overcome my fears (some of them admittedly irrational) and purchase a home. I was working against some emotional issues as well as the practical ones - the economy, the burst housing bubble, job security. For several weeks I wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't working out much and my eating was way off track.
After my first attempt at a purchase fell through, it was as if all my fears were justified. Emotionally, I took a huge step backwards. And for several days I indulged my cravings for sugar and carbs. I was convinced that my place was in renterville and always would be. But at some point I started to calm down, eat better, exercise more and finally got some better sleep.
And then one Thursday morning, after a particularly intense early workout, I was suddenly and supremely confident that it was time to move forward again. The practical considerations had not changed one bit, but my fear was completely gone! Before lunch time I had an appointment with the realtor, and in less than a week I had seen seven places, made two offers and signed a purchase contract for the place I am writing from now.
If I could bottle and sell the feeling I had that Thursday morning, I would be a gazillionaire!
(continued)
What I don't remember about the Great Donut Incident of 1984 is what I ate the night before, how I had slept, or even what the heck was so aggravating to me that morning. If had I arrived at work at 8:00 in a good mood, having had a good night's sleep and perhaps a decent breakfast, what could possibly have happened in one hour to turn me into a raving psycho eating machine?
A recent incident really got me thinking about the mood/food cycle. A few months ago I had a one of those life-changing decisions to make. It seemed to be the right time for me to overcome my fears (some of them admittedly irrational) and purchase a home. I was working against some emotional issues as well as the practical ones - the economy, the burst housing bubble, job security. For several weeks I wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't working out much and my eating was way off track.
After my first attempt at a purchase fell through, it was as if all my fears were justified. Emotionally, I took a huge step backwards. And for several days I indulged my cravings for sugar and carbs. I was convinced that my place was in renterville and always would be. But at some point I started to calm down, eat better, exercise more and finally got some better sleep.
And then one Thursday morning, after a particularly intense early workout, I was suddenly and supremely confident that it was time to move forward again. The practical considerations had not changed one bit, but my fear was completely gone! Before lunch time I had an appointment with the realtor, and in less than a week I had seen seven places, made two offers and signed a purchase contract for the place I am writing from now.
If I could bottle and sell the feeling I had that Thursday morning, I would be a gazillionaire!
(continued)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
What comes first...the mood or the food?
In my never-ending quest to figure out this food thing, I have come to realize that I may have had it backwards all along.
I have always been a moody person. We're talking serious mood shifts, sometimes from hour to hour. Just ask my friend and co-worker Stuart who, in an act of self-preservation, made a sign for my cubicle so I could warn whoever approached what they were in for:
The mouth part was actually a wheel behind the face part that I could turn to indicate my mood. Stu's a clever guy, but a so-so artist (he got the brows right, but my nose is nowhere near that big).
A sad or worse mood was most often "treated" with food. I remember one incident from very early in my career when I was so aggravated by 9:00 that I left the office, went to the convenience store, purchased a box of those big chocolate donuts and ate every one of them in the car before returning to the office.
And guess what? It calmed me down. I was able to go back to work and be productive, at least until the sugar crash came later. But what a cost for that mood fix - 2400 calories, 160 grams of fat and 136 grams of sugar in about 20 minutes. (Yes, they still sell those donuts and kindly provide that "nutrition" information on their web site.)
So it's no surprise I that my weight continued to climb. The last year on that job I put on 100 pounds. And that was the last year because I was fired - specifically because of my erratic moods. I was trapped in a vicious cycle of "emotions-food-emotions" that has haunted me to various degrees for over 20 years.
But what if the cycle is actually "FOOD-emotions-FOOD"?
(continued)
I have always been a moody person. We're talking serious mood shifts, sometimes from hour to hour. Just ask my friend and co-worker Stuart who, in an act of self-preservation, made a sign for my cubicle so I could warn whoever approached what they were in for:
The mouth part was actually a wheel behind the face part that I could turn to indicate my mood. Stu's a clever guy, but a so-so artist (he got the brows right, but my nose is nowhere near that big).
A sad or worse mood was most often "treated" with food. I remember one incident from very early in my career when I was so aggravated by 9:00 that I left the office, went to the convenience store, purchased a box of those big chocolate donuts and ate every one of them in the car before returning to the office.
And guess what? It calmed me down. I was able to go back to work and be productive, at least until the sugar crash came later. But what a cost for that mood fix - 2400 calories, 160 grams of fat and 136 grams of sugar in about 20 minutes. (Yes, they still sell those donuts and kindly provide that "nutrition" information on their web site.)
So it's no surprise I that my weight continued to climb. The last year on that job I put on 100 pounds. And that was the last year because I was fired - specifically because of my erratic moods. I was trapped in a vicious cycle of "emotions-food-emotions" that has haunted me to various degrees for over 20 years.
But what if the cycle is actually "FOOD-emotions-FOOD"?
(continued)
Monday, October 26, 2009
Contest results and what really matters
So I'm finally sitting down to post the final results of the gym contest, and I can't find my record! Since I last posted I have bought a condo and moved. My contest booklet is around here somewhere...and if I ever find it I'll let you know the specifics.
But the contest ended pretty much where I was last time I posted about it. I had a big weight loss in the first four weeks (15 pounds), then I stalled. Food-wise, that is. I never stopped working out, although I had to cut my sessions with the trainer down to once a week due to budget constraints (the condo purchase mentioned above). There are reasons for what happened, but none of them rise to the level of excuses (remind me to write about the difference).
The good news is that I haven't given up, and I never will. Right now I'm at a decades-low weight of 245, am back up to two training sessions a week plus two or three workouts on my own, and most days the food part (still low carb) is going well. Oh, and as a result of participating and winning my category at my gym branch, they added three free months to my membership!
My next big goal is the wall. I'm going to climb the wall at the gym. My trainer says we can start that attempt after I get below 200 pounds. And although I want to reach that goal before my 50th birthday, it doesn't really matter when it happens, as long as I keep going.
The thing about climbing is that you plan your route as best you can with the knowledge you have, but rarely (if ever) do you get to the top without changing course. You make progress by moving upward, and then maybe to this side or other other, and often by going backwards before moving forward again.
Just like life.
But the contest ended pretty much where I was last time I posted about it. I had a big weight loss in the first four weeks (15 pounds), then I stalled. Food-wise, that is. I never stopped working out, although I had to cut my sessions with the trainer down to once a week due to budget constraints (the condo purchase mentioned above). There are reasons for what happened, but none of them rise to the level of excuses (remind me to write about the difference).
The good news is that I haven't given up, and I never will. Right now I'm at a decades-low weight of 245, am back up to two training sessions a week plus two or three workouts on my own, and most days the food part (still low carb) is going well. Oh, and as a result of participating and winning my category at my gym branch, they added three free months to my membership!
My next big goal is the wall. I'm going to climb the wall at the gym. My trainer says we can start that attempt after I get below 200 pounds. And although I want to reach that goal before my 50th birthday, it doesn't really matter when it happens, as long as I keep going.
The thing about climbing is that you plan your route as best you can with the knowledge you have, but rarely (if ever) do you get to the top without changing course. You make progress by moving upward, and then maybe to this side or other other, and often by going backwards before moving forward again.
Just like life.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
These are the numbers we want to be BIG
Body weight, body fat percentage, body part measurements...those numbers we want to get smaller. Equipment weights, timed exercises, reps (and my bowling average)...we want those numbers to get bigger.
My trainer said I should blog this, cause it's a big deal:
This morning I did barbell squats - 145 pounds - ten reps.
Not that I don't think it's a big deal, but I don't pay close attention to those numbers. He keeps track of it, and I just do what he tells me to do (as much as I can). If I looked at the weights on the machines too closely I might freak out. Like when he put the leg press at 200+ and told me to do one leg at a time. I knew he was nuts, but I tried it anyway.
Because some days, I discover I can do even more than he thinks I can. And those are the days we both smile.
So there you are, Mr. Trainer. Hey...we never settled on a nickname for you...I have some ideas.
My trainer said I should blog this, cause it's a big deal:
This morning I did barbell squats - 145 pounds - ten reps.
Not that I don't think it's a big deal, but I don't pay close attention to those numbers. He keeps track of it, and I just do what he tells me to do (as much as I can). If I looked at the weights on the machines too closely I might freak out. Like when he put the leg press at 200+ and told me to do one leg at a time. I knew he was nuts, but I tried it anyway.
Because some days, I discover I can do even more than he thinks I can. And those are the days we both smile.
So there you are, Mr. Trainer. Hey...we never settled on a nickname for you...I have some ideas.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
One pound from the lead
I've lost 13 pounds in the first four weeks of the gym contest. The leader (at our location) has lost 14 pounds. They won't tell us who it is, but I know it's another woman. I'm in the running!
Last week I sort of got burned out. Not sure but I might have actually been fighting off some kind of bug. I was completely drained (and a little nauseous) on Saturday, and for the first time I cancelled a training session at the last minute (which I still feel bad about...but it was the right call). By Monday I was feeling better and found myself full of energy which is still with me. In fact, today I even worked out TWICE - once in the morning and again tonight after my other plans fell through. And I did a personal best on the rowing machine - 1000 meters in 4:34!
I've never been a very competitive person, and I don't think it is really the money that is driving me (although it would be nice). I JUST WANT TO WIN THIS THING!!!
Seven and a half weeks to go.
Last week I sort of got burned out. Not sure but I might have actually been fighting off some kind of bug. I was completely drained (and a little nauseous) on Saturday, and for the first time I cancelled a training session at the last minute (which I still feel bad about...but it was the right call). By Monday I was feeling better and found myself full of energy which is still with me. In fact, today I even worked out TWICE - once in the morning and again tonight after my other plans fell through. And I did a personal best on the rowing machine - 1000 meters in 4:34!
I've never been a very competitive person, and I don't think it is really the money that is driving me (although it would be nice). I JUST WANT TO WIN THIS THING!!!
Seven and a half weeks to go.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
One Year Stats
It's hard to believe, but I have been exercising regularly for a year now!
It has taken me a year to lose 49 pounds BUT I have lost 11 pounds in the last three weeks. The contest at the gym is a great motivator. But what is really making the difference is the low-carb eating. I have, I believe, found what is going to work for me as a lifestyle, not just a diet.
I have to give a lot of credit to my trainer. Since the beginning he has known when to push me harder and when to back off. He doesn't do much backing off these days, and he even gets mean once in a while. Well, not really "mean" in the drill-sergeant way...but more in the "tough but beloved football coach" sense. He knows I can do more and brings it out of me. Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! And Happy Anniversary!
Here are the stats:
My clothing sizes may be smaller by now, but I haven't bought anything in a while. Except a belt so my jeans will last a few more weeks!
It has taken me a year to lose 49 pounds BUT I have lost 11 pounds in the last three weeks. The contest at the gym is a great motivator. But what is really making the difference is the low-carb eating. I have, I believe, found what is going to work for me as a lifestyle, not just a diet.
I have to give a lot of credit to my trainer. Since the beginning he has known when to push me harder and when to back off. He doesn't do much backing off these days, and he even gets mean once in a while. Well, not really "mean" in the drill-sergeant way...but more in the "tough but beloved football coach" sense. He knows I can do more and brings it out of me. Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! And Happy Anniversary!
Here are the stats:
My clothing sizes may be smaller by now, but I haven't bought anything in a while. Except a belt so my jeans will last a few more weeks!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
An interesting experiment
I've got lots to catch you up on...my stats, the beginning of my gym contest, and a ode to the joy of buying new clothes in smaller sizes ("oh 22, how I love you"). But I still have to go grocery shopping, do laundry and get to the gym. And it's 6:30 pm. YIKES!
Anyway, for the past several days I have experimented with a new (for me) way of eating. It's low carb...not quite as extreme as the beginning of some of the diets out there like Atkins. But just limiting my carb intake, avoiding bread, rice and potatoes altogether, and not worrying about fat content (for a change).
Well, I have been very energetic. My mood has been calm and positive. I've got a lot going on and I'm not getting stressed out. I haven't had as much sleep as I should have, but I have still been feeling great.
Until today, that is.
I started out OK, but ended up having a six-inch "healthy" sub from Subway between multiple errands. It's really the first bread I've had since Tuesday, and it was wheat bread (but rather big...you know their breads). I was fine for a while, but then started getting tired and my mood shifted considerably away from positive. Instead of going to the gym after I finished clothes shopping, I just had to come home and take a nap.
When I woke up, I had my carb-free next meal and I've got my second wind. It's amazing! It's not much of a test of the concept yet, but I tell you that I might just be onto what is going to work best for me.
I have to go grocery shopping before doing laundry, as I am out of detergent. So I'd better get going. The gym tonight is questionable. It's open 24/7 but I do have to get to sleep at a decent hour.
Anyway, for the past several days I have experimented with a new (for me) way of eating. It's low carb...not quite as extreme as the beginning of some of the diets out there like Atkins. But just limiting my carb intake, avoiding bread, rice and potatoes altogether, and not worrying about fat content (for a change).
Well, I have been very energetic. My mood has been calm and positive. I've got a lot going on and I'm not getting stressed out. I haven't had as much sleep as I should have, but I have still been feeling great.
Until today, that is.
I started out OK, but ended up having a six-inch "healthy" sub from Subway between multiple errands. It's really the first bread I've had since Tuesday, and it was wheat bread (but rather big...you know their breads). I was fine for a while, but then started getting tired and my mood shifted considerably away from positive. Instead of going to the gym after I finished clothes shopping, I just had to come home and take a nap.
When I woke up, I had my carb-free next meal and I've got my second wind. It's amazing! It's not much of a test of the concept yet, but I tell you that I might just be onto what is going to work best for me.
I have to go grocery shopping before doing laundry, as I am out of detergent. So I'd better get going. The gym tonight is questionable. It's open 24/7 but I do have to get to sleep at a decent hour.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
My head is spinning
Well, that online contest I started is over for me. I was just not able to get up to speed with the meal planning part. The cool thing is that the 12-week program can be started anytime, although the contest was for a specific period of time.
Then, what do you know...my gym announced a similar contest which starts June 1st...and the first prize is $10,000!!!
With that kind of motivation, and a sincere desire to tackle this overweight thing once and for all, I have found myself doing a ton of research into various diets and food concepts that I had not considered before. My head is spinning...not just from the vast amounts of information available, but from the contradictions I'm finding. And I'm starting to consider that the conventional wisdom about losing weight might be completely backwards.
How often to you hear a report on the findings of some medical study that completely contradicts a previous report on the same topic? First eggs are bad, then they are good. Or it's caffiene. Or whole grains. Or butter. Or wine. Pick your poison...and you will find contradictory evidence about the benefits/risks of each food or approach to weight loss abounds.
All I know for certain at this moment is that the thought of spending my days counting the calories and nutrient content of everything I put into my mouth is making me seriously depressed. There has to be a better way! I can't live my life constantly fearing I might eat something that puts me over some number on a chart. If that is the only way to get thin, I would almost rather stay fat.
Almost.
Then, what do you know...my gym announced a similar contest which starts June 1st...and the first prize is $10,000!!!
With that kind of motivation, and a sincere desire to tackle this overweight thing once and for all, I have found myself doing a ton of research into various diets and food concepts that I had not considered before. My head is spinning...not just from the vast amounts of information available, but from the contradictions I'm finding. And I'm starting to consider that the conventional wisdom about losing weight might be completely backwards.
How often to you hear a report on the findings of some medical study that completely contradicts a previous report on the same topic? First eggs are bad, then they are good. Or it's caffiene. Or whole grains. Or butter. Or wine. Pick your poison...and you will find contradictory evidence about the benefits/risks of each food or approach to weight loss abounds.
All I know for certain at this moment is that the thought of spending my days counting the calories and nutrient content of everything I put into my mouth is making me seriously depressed. There has to be a better way! I can't live my life constantly fearing I might eat something that puts me over some number on a chart. If that is the only way to get thin, I would almost rather stay fat.
Almost.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Gotta do your prep!
It has been one heckuva week! On Monday I started an online body transformation contest and, quite frankly, it knocked me over!
I'll tell you more about the contest as the weeks go by, but the main thing is I didn't prepare adequately. In the days leading up to the launch, I spent more time picking out my outfit for the daily pictures than I did studying the materials! It's a pretty intense program and you gotta know your stuff.
What I can tell you is that as a result of being involved in that contest - and receiving a lot of encouragement from other contestants and my trainer - I have worked out SIX TIMES this week, five of which were in the morning before work! I wake up at 4:30 and get to the gym by 5:30. And I am about to close on my FIFTH DAY of "eating clean".
We're entering a whole new chapter in this adventure.
I'll tell you more about the contest as the weeks go by, but the main thing is I didn't prepare adequately. In the days leading up to the launch, I spent more time picking out my outfit for the daily pictures than I did studying the materials! It's a pretty intense program and you gotta know your stuff.
What I can tell you is that as a result of being involved in that contest - and receiving a lot of encouragement from other contestants and my trainer - I have worked out SIX TIMES this week, five of which were in the morning before work! I wake up at 4:30 and get to the gym by 5:30. And I am about to close on my FIFTH DAY of "eating clean".
We're entering a whole new chapter in this adventure.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
New Stats
One of these days I'll figure out how to make this show up the same size every month:
Did a tiny bit of backsliding if you look at inches. But I did go down a bit in body fat, so that was good.
Did a tiny bit of backsliding if you look at inches. But I did go down a bit in body fat, so that was good.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
April workout stats
Well, April is over. I've been working out regularly for 10 months, and I've recently started to seriously annoy my family and friends (but not strangers - yet) by asking them to feel my bicep. And I actually attended a bodybuilding competition on Saturday night. And I've rented (but not yet watched) Pumping Iron.
This was "strength building" month, and quite frankly I'm glad it's over. Although it was really cool to have leg-pressed 450 pounds last night!
Here are my final numbers:
19 workouts - 10 weight lifting, 9 cardio
Total calories burned - 20,704
Average calories burned per workout - 1,090
Average heart rate - 136
I'll get my measurements on Saturday. I don't know what my body fat percentage will be, but I don't expect the scale to have moved down (maybe up a couple of pounds). I only ate "clean" six days in April. But that's all about to change.
On Monday, I start a 12-week body transformation contest. More on that later.
This was "strength building" month, and quite frankly I'm glad it's over. Although it was really cool to have leg-pressed 450 pounds last night!
Here are my final numbers:
19 workouts - 10 weight lifting, 9 cardio
Total calories burned - 20,704
Average calories burned per workout - 1,090
Average heart rate - 136
I'll get my measurements on Saturday. I don't know what my body fat percentage will be, but I don't expect the scale to have moved down (maybe up a couple of pounds). I only ate "clean" six days in April. But that's all about to change.
On Monday, I start a 12-week body transformation contest. More on that later.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Punchin' Judie
After 10 months of wanting to punch my trainer, I finally got my chance...tonight we did our first boxing session!
I. LOVED. IT.
I warmed up with jumping rope, and it didn't take long to remember how to do it right. Then he put the gloves on me and taught me the punches - jab...cross...hook...undercut...haymaker.
Then he had me kick...knee shots up to where he was holding the mitts in front of him. We did combos like jab-cross-hook-kick and jab-jab-hook and jab-cross-undercut-kick. His agility proved useful when I accidentally did "kick" at the wrong time and the mitts weren't there. Sorry about that!
I had to make sure to write about this tonight, as I suspect I won't be able to move my arms tomorrow.
What a blast!
I. LOVED. IT.
I warmed up with jumping rope, and it didn't take long to remember how to do it right. Then he put the gloves on me and taught me the punches - jab...cross...hook...undercut...haymaker.
Then he had me kick...knee shots up to where he was holding the mitts in front of him. We did combos like jab-cross-hook-kick and jab-jab-hook and jab-cross-undercut-kick. His agility proved useful when I accidentally did "kick" at the wrong time and the mitts weren't there. Sorry about that!
I had to make sure to write about this tonight, as I suspect I won't be able to move my arms tomorrow.
What a blast!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Regrets
Whenever I find myself feeling "regret" I am usually successful in talking myself out of the feeling. Regret is a waste of time. The past is gone. Learn from it, yes...let it ruin your present with negative feelings and "should have, could have" thinking...NO.
But when it hits your heart, sometimes you just have to have that good cry before you can let it go.
I was on my way home from an AWESOME workout yesterday afternoon. I was feeling so fabulous...my trainer has me in a "strength building" cycle, and we hit a couple of new highs on the weights I lifted. What I was feeling was the pride of accomplishment...working towards and achieving something I've never done before.
Then these words sang out from my radio:
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
(Because You Loved Me, words and music by Diane Warren, performed by Celine Dion)
The man I saw in my mind at that moment - my father - is not here to see me take these steps towards health and fitness. He also struggled with his weight, so he knew my struggle. Who knows what could have been? Had I done this ten or twenty years ago, perhaps he would have joined me. At the very least, it would have made him happy to see me do this.
I'm not saying I should have done this for him. Whenever you make a change in your life, you have to do it for yourself. Doing it for somebody else doesn't work.
The people who truly love you love you just as you are. My father loved me and was proud of everything I did. But I also know he suffered by seeing me suffer, especially because it was me hurting myself. And I regret causing him that pain.
I'll finish that cry now, then put this regret away and move on.
But when it hits your heart, sometimes you just have to have that good cry before you can let it go.
I was on my way home from an AWESOME workout yesterday afternoon. I was feeling so fabulous...my trainer has me in a "strength building" cycle, and we hit a couple of new highs on the weights I lifted. What I was feeling was the pride of accomplishment...working towards and achieving something I've never done before.
Then these words sang out from my radio:
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
(Because You Loved Me, words and music by Diane Warren, performed by Celine Dion)
The man I saw in my mind at that moment - my father - is not here to see me take these steps towards health and fitness. He also struggled with his weight, so he knew my struggle. Who knows what could have been? Had I done this ten or twenty years ago, perhaps he would have joined me. At the very least, it would have made him happy to see me do this.
I'm not saying I should have done this for him. Whenever you make a change in your life, you have to do it for yourself. Doing it for somebody else doesn't work.
The people who truly love you love you just as you are. My father loved me and was proud of everything I did. But I also know he suffered by seeing me suffer, especially because it was me hurting myself. And I regret causing him that pain.
I'll finish that cry now, then put this regret away and move on.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Well this is a first
I still can't tell you my news...but soon.
And today was a first. I've been instructed by my trainer to take at least a day off. He thinks I might be over-training. And I'm supposed to ice half my butt.
Don't ask.
And today was a first. I've been instructed by my trainer to take at least a day off. He thinks I might be over-training. And I'm supposed to ice half my butt.
Don't ask.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
The cure for "quick fix" disease
I'm guessing I have read something in the range of 80-100 diet books in my lifetime, and have actually been on 20-30 diets that lasted more than one day. From each experience, I have learned something that I'm carrying with me now.
This year alone (yes, since January 1) I have read at least five books on fitness and nutrition (and there are three in the pile yet to be cracked open). The one I just started is called The Body Fat Solution: Five Principles for Burning Fat, Building Lean Muscle, Ending Emotional Eating, and Maintaining Your Perfect Weight by Tom Venuto.
I'm only on Page 17, and I've already found myself written about. The author talks about Brian Tracy, an expert in success psychology, describing "diseases" running rampant in America and much of the industrialized world today (emphasis mine):
One of them is called quick-fix disease. People with this affliction want to take a pill, go to sleep, and wake up skinny. [Note from AuntJ...I actually prayed for this several times.] They're suckers for the latest fat-burning cream or steroid-replacement scam. They impulsively buy "miracle" solutions...They search for instant cures...They look for overnight shortcuts... Saddest and most ironic, they often waste years of their lives on this fruitless quest, with no results to show for it.
Years? Try DECADES!
In 1985-86 I gained 100 pounds in about a year. During that year, I was an emotional trainwreck. To put it bluntly, I was a RAVING PSYCHO BITCH. When you're desperate, your intelligence and common sense fly out the window. I have some distinct memories from that period...I remember exactly where I was standing in the office when I practically screamed at a co-worker that I would not eat one more bite of food until I was under 200 pounds! (I think I was about 215 at the time.) She looked at me like the crazy person I was and calmly informed me that if I did that I would die. She got me to agree to at least eat some bananas (so a lack of potassium would not cause a heart attack).
Well, here I am at age 48 and I have yet to make it back to under 200 pounds. I would say that my average weight over these last 23-24 years has been around 285...let's say about 120 pounds overweight. At the generally-accepted ideal rate of weight loss of 1-2 pounds per week, had I started a sensible nutrition and exercise program at age 25 I could have been at a "normal" weight well before I hit 30 years old. Heck, even if I only lost one pound per month, I could have been at a normal weight by my mid-thirties!
Instead, I always wanted the quick fix. At least five of my dieting attempts were of the "fasting" variety - protein shakes and such. Almost all of my dieting attempts have resulted in more weight, which finally topped out at 330 pounds about 10 years ago.
The cure to quick fix disease is, of course, taking a long-term perspective:
Long-term perspective includes setting long-term goals, but also much more... Each goal is a stepping-stone, not an end point. Without a bigger vision and purpose for each area of your life, you won't have the motivational drive that keeps you going and you'll be more likely to fall for quick fixes...
Making decisions with the long term in mind often implies sacrifice...[which is] a misunderstood word. Many people think sacrifice means deprivation or giving something up. What sacrifice really means is giving up something of a lower nature in the present to receive something of a higher nature in the future.
Somebody asked me recently what finally got me onto the path of weight loss and fitness. There wasn't really a single event to point to, although the realization that I was approaching age 50 certainly had something to do with it. But it seems to have been more like reaching a "tipping point". My continuous search for knowledge (picking up something valuable from each book and dieting experience), my recent professional success with goal setting (the satisfaction of achieving those goals), my good fortune in finding excellent teachers (including my trainer) and my belief deep down that I would never give up the quest (even if there had been years without any attempts) have all combined to finally push me past the point of no return.
I still have days when either my nutrition or my exercise goes off the rails. Some days both my eating and fitness plan derail in a spectacular fashion! But I am (thank God) past the point of quitting, or returning to the "quick fix" mind set. I am striving for that "something of a higher nature".
This is the best time of my life.
This year alone (yes, since January 1) I have read at least five books on fitness and nutrition (and there are three in the pile yet to be cracked open). The one I just started is called The Body Fat Solution: Five Principles for Burning Fat, Building Lean Muscle, Ending Emotional Eating, and Maintaining Your Perfect Weight by Tom Venuto.
I'm only on Page 17, and I've already found myself written about. The author talks about Brian Tracy, an expert in success psychology, describing "diseases" running rampant in America and much of the industrialized world today (emphasis mine):
One of them is called quick-fix disease. People with this affliction want to take a pill, go to sleep, and wake up skinny. [Note from AuntJ...I actually prayed for this several times.] They're suckers for the latest fat-burning cream or steroid-replacement scam. They impulsively buy "miracle" solutions...They search for instant cures...They look for overnight shortcuts... Saddest and most ironic, they often waste years of their lives on this fruitless quest, with no results to show for it.
Years? Try DECADES!
In 1985-86 I gained 100 pounds in about a year. During that year, I was an emotional trainwreck. To put it bluntly, I was a RAVING PSYCHO BITCH. When you're desperate, your intelligence and common sense fly out the window. I have some distinct memories from that period...I remember exactly where I was standing in the office when I practically screamed at a co-worker that I would not eat one more bite of food until I was under 200 pounds! (I think I was about 215 at the time.) She looked at me like the crazy person I was and calmly informed me that if I did that I would die. She got me to agree to at least eat some bananas (so a lack of potassium would not cause a heart attack).
Well, here I am at age 48 and I have yet to make it back to under 200 pounds. I would say that my average weight over these last 23-24 years has been around 285...let's say about 120 pounds overweight. At the generally-accepted ideal rate of weight loss of 1-2 pounds per week, had I started a sensible nutrition and exercise program at age 25 I could have been at a "normal" weight well before I hit 30 years old. Heck, even if I only lost one pound per month, I could have been at a normal weight by my mid-thirties!
Instead, I always wanted the quick fix. At least five of my dieting attempts were of the "fasting" variety - protein shakes and such. Almost all of my dieting attempts have resulted in more weight, which finally topped out at 330 pounds about 10 years ago.
The cure to quick fix disease is, of course, taking a long-term perspective:
Long-term perspective includes setting long-term goals, but also much more... Each goal is a stepping-stone, not an end point. Without a bigger vision and purpose for each area of your life, you won't have the motivational drive that keeps you going and you'll be more likely to fall for quick fixes...
Making decisions with the long term in mind often implies sacrifice...[which is] a misunderstood word. Many people think sacrifice means deprivation or giving something up. What sacrifice really means is giving up something of a lower nature in the present to receive something of a higher nature in the future.
Somebody asked me recently what finally got me onto the path of weight loss and fitness. There wasn't really a single event to point to, although the realization that I was approaching age 50 certainly had something to do with it. But it seems to have been more like reaching a "tipping point". My continuous search for knowledge (picking up something valuable from each book and dieting experience), my recent professional success with goal setting (the satisfaction of achieving those goals), my good fortune in finding excellent teachers (including my trainer) and my belief deep down that I would never give up the quest (even if there had been years without any attempts) have all combined to finally push me past the point of no return.
I still have days when either my nutrition or my exercise goes off the rails. Some days both my eating and fitness plan derail in a spectacular fashion! But I am (thank God) past the point of quitting, or returning to the "quick fix" mind set. I am striving for that "something of a higher nature".
This is the best time of my life.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Final March Numbers
I'll get my new measurements (weight, body fat percentage, inches) from my trainer this week. But here are the final stats from my new monthly workout log for March:
Number of workouts: 22
Total calories burned: 27,260
Average calories/workout: 1,239
Average workout heart rate: 134
Plus...some exciting news coming very soon...stay tuned!
Number of workouts: 22
Total calories burned: 27,260
Average calories/workout: 1,239
Average workout heart rate: 134
Plus...some exciting news coming very soon...stay tuned!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
March madness
20,214...my calories burned count so far for March.
My goal for the whole month was 20,000, and there are seven days to go.
Sweeeeeeet!
My goal for the whole month was 20,000, and there are seven days to go.
Sweeeeeeet!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Picking up the pace
March is shaping up to be my most dedicated with regard to exercise. I set myself a goal of burning 20,000 calories for the month. It's the 18th, and I'm already up to 15,527! I told my trainer that I wanted to work out every day this week, and he gave me a specific training plan.
Last night was 90 minutes of interval cardio...working hard until my heart rate hit peak, then cooling off, then working it back up again. I did it multiple times on five different machines, then in the end ran out of gas on the bike. So the last ten minutes I just rode at a good pace until my watch showed 1:30.
I'm also starting to pay more attention to nutrition. I'm doing research and experimenting, and already I can tell you that eating decent food definitely helps provide the right fuel for working out.
So far it seems my progress has been slow (23 pounds lost in nine months), but who cares? I did it without dieting (I wasn't ready) and it sure beats gaining 23 pounds! And think about this...if I had lost one pound a month for the last 10 years I would be at my ideal weight now.
My advice for whatever endeavor you are considering - start today. Start every hour if you have to. Don't get mad at yourself if you have to keep starting over. You're not failing...you are learning.
Never, never, never give up.
Last night was 90 minutes of interval cardio...working hard until my heart rate hit peak, then cooling off, then working it back up again. I did it multiple times on five different machines, then in the end ran out of gas on the bike. So the last ten minutes I just rode at a good pace until my watch showed 1:30.
I'm also starting to pay more attention to nutrition. I'm doing research and experimenting, and already I can tell you that eating decent food definitely helps provide the right fuel for working out.
So far it seems my progress has been slow (23 pounds lost in nine months), but who cares? I did it without dieting (I wasn't ready) and it sure beats gaining 23 pounds! And think about this...if I had lost one pound a month for the last 10 years I would be at my ideal weight now.
My advice for whatever endeavor you are considering - start today. Start every hour if you have to. Don't get mad at yourself if you have to keep starting over. You're not failing...you are learning.
Never, never, never give up.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Latest official stats
These stats are from a month ago. We usually measure the first week of each month, but in February I missed the first week due to travel and the second due to illness. We are going to officially measure next the first week in April. But I can tell you yesterday the scale said 278.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
That's just the weigh it is
How often do you weigh yourself? I've gone from weekly to daily to whenever I'm at the gym. I know women who weigh themselves twice or even several times a day.
I'm at the gym a lot these days, so I may cut back and not weigh myself more than twice a week. I can do a lot of damage in a week, so weekly is out of the question. I like the scales at the gym...those balance beam things that many doctors still use. I had a digital scale in my bathroom for a while last year, but it drove me nuts. You could get on it three times in a row and get three different numbers.
The important thing for me is to not put too much weight (pun intended) into that number I see. There are a whole lot of factors in your body weight as measured on a scale. It's not likely I gained a pound of fat since yesterday, but that's how much the scale moved UP. Could be that I ate more salt than usual today, or drank less water. Who knows? It doesn't really matter.
What I'm interested is my body fat percentage, which gets measured by the trainer once a month. And however we measure, it's not just the latest number we need to consider...it's the trend. As long as I'm trending downwards most of the time, I'm making progress.
And remember - we're going for progress, not perfection.
(I need to update my stats. Gotta find my last measurement. It's on a post-it note somewhere around here.)
I'm at the gym a lot these days, so I may cut back and not weigh myself more than twice a week. I can do a lot of damage in a week, so weekly is out of the question. I like the scales at the gym...those balance beam things that many doctors still use. I had a digital scale in my bathroom for a while last year, but it drove me nuts. You could get on it three times in a row and get three different numbers.
The important thing for me is to not put too much weight (pun intended) into that number I see. There are a whole lot of factors in your body weight as measured on a scale. It's not likely I gained a pound of fat since yesterday, but that's how much the scale moved UP. Could be that I ate more salt than usual today, or drank less water. Who knows? It doesn't really matter.
What I'm interested is my body fat percentage, which gets measured by the trainer once a month. And however we measure, it's not just the latest number we need to consider...it's the trend. As long as I'm trending downwards most of the time, I'm making progress.
And remember - we're going for progress, not perfection.
(I need to update my stats. Gotta find my last measurement. It's on a post-it note somewhere around here.)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
This is NOT why I'm fat...
...but this has got to be one of the funniest web sites I've ever seen:
This is why you're fat. Where dreams become heart attacks.
Mmmmm....Meat Cake.
Oh, and the Sandwich Cake? We actually had one of those at a bridal shower in 1980 (with plain cream cheese as the icing).
What? It was pretty good!
This is why you're fat. Where dreams become heart attacks.
Mmmmm....Meat Cake.
Oh, and the Sandwich Cake? We actually had one of those at a bridal shower in 1980 (with plain cream cheese as the icing).
What? It was pretty good!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I'm glad I don't know how to quit this
For the past several weeks, I have intended to tell my trainer that I need to reduce our sessions to once a week. The issue is money, and a week ago I had a car repair that cost the same as 20 training sessions.
Looking at it from a purely financial perspective, spending $100 a week on an optional service seems a bad choice. There are so many more practical things I could use that money for - I could double up on my car payments (my only remaining debt); I could save for a decent vacation or maybe a down payment on a house; I could buy new clothes, which I need (ironically) because of the work I'm doing with the trainer.
But I can't quit him. I work out several times a week on my own now, but there is no way for me to reach the level that I do with him. I'm getting stronger every week, and I have never felt this good - physically or emotionally - in my entire life.
I'll do whatever I have to do to pay for it. It is the best investment I've ever made.
Worth. Every. Penny.
Looking at it from a purely financial perspective, spending $100 a week on an optional service seems a bad choice. There are so many more practical things I could use that money for - I could double up on my car payments (my only remaining debt); I could save for a decent vacation or maybe a down payment on a house; I could buy new clothes, which I need (ironically) because of the work I'm doing with the trainer.
But I can't quit him. I work out several times a week on my own now, but there is no way for me to reach the level that I do with him. I'm getting stronger every week, and I have never felt this good - physically or emotionally - in my entire life.
I'll do whatever I have to do to pay for it. It is the best investment I've ever made.
Worth. Every. Penny.
Friday, January 9, 2009
New stats
These are my first stats since October. What happened is that I was at an emotional and physical low point when it was time to measure in November, so my trainer suggested I skip it that month. Which was good. I think he sensed that I was near a breaking point.Then in December we did measure, but I had gained. I was upset and I didn't write down the numbers, and I cried in the car on the way home. Not writing them down was a mistake (not that I can't get them from him now). Not facing something does not make it go away. That's an old coping trick from childhood that has no place in an adult's life...unless you are Scarlett O'Hara (look it up).
So no more skipping the measurments.
And as I have written, my low point was followed by a rally and I am on fire right now! Check out that waist measurement - 6 inches lost! There's a number anyone can love!
The sizes have question marks because I haven't bought any new clothes in a while. That will change soon.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Look what I found!
This morning I needed a three-ring binder for a project, and I'm working from home, so I pull one out of the bookshelf and lo and behold, it's the 2007 version of my "new diet" book which I started exactly one year ago today!
Here is my "before" picture from that book. I was 315 pounds:
This really made me feel good...because I weighed 285 on Monday night which means I am down 30 pounds in the last year. Wow! And that got me to thinking...I know my top weight ever was 330. So that means at this point I am 45 pounds lower than my all-time high. That is awesome!
I'm not exactly sure if this is me at my all-time high, but it would be close (it's from October 2001):
I know...the dark hair. Not my favorite look.
I get new official stats from the gym on Saturday.
Here is my "before" picture from that book. I was 315 pounds:
This really made me feel good...because I weighed 285 on Monday night which means I am down 30 pounds in the last year. Wow! And that got me to thinking...I know my top weight ever was 330. So that means at this point I am 45 pounds lower than my all-time high. That is awesome!
I'm not exactly sure if this is me at my all-time high, but it would be close (it's from October 2001):
I know...the dark hair. Not my favorite look.
I get new official stats from the gym on Saturday.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Beliefs and feelings
Yesterday I spent the holiday working on my plan for overcoming my food issue. Now that I'm exercising regularly, it's time to face my food problem head-on.
One of the many books I'm reading about emotional eating is called "If I Am So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight?" by Brooke Castillo. The book's primary focus is to change the way we react to the feelings that cause us emotional eaters to overeat. In order to change your reaction, you have to understand and change your feelings. In order to do so, however, you have to explore the reasons why you have those feelings.
The author describes how to figure out the beliefs that are the source of our feelings. She says beliefs cause feelings, which cause actions, which cause results. If you change the belief, you ultimately change the result. This makes sense to me.
At work we call this a "root cause analysis". When we have a production or computer problem, the true cause of it is usually not obvious, or the problem would not have happened. We usually have to go through several rounds of questions to find the cause. If the cause of the problem was a badly-worded instruction in a manual, the problem will keep happening until we fix the wording in the manual.
So each time I feel the urge to eat when I'm not physically hungry, my first step is to stop and identify the feeling I'm having, then figure out where that feeling comes from. At the root will be a belief for me to explore and challenge and change.
I used to think that I was incapable of changing my feelings, that they were just there and I could only keep trying to change how I reacted to them. To think that I have the ability to actually change the cause of those feelings is empowering.
One of the many books I'm reading about emotional eating is called "If I Am So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight?" by Brooke Castillo. The book's primary focus is to change the way we react to the feelings that cause us emotional eaters to overeat. In order to change your reaction, you have to understand and change your feelings. In order to do so, however, you have to explore the reasons why you have those feelings.
The author describes how to figure out the beliefs that are the source of our feelings. She says beliefs cause feelings, which cause actions, which cause results. If you change the belief, you ultimately change the result. This makes sense to me.
At work we call this a "root cause analysis". When we have a production or computer problem, the true cause of it is usually not obvious, or the problem would not have happened. We usually have to go through several rounds of questions to find the cause. If the cause of the problem was a badly-worded instruction in a manual, the problem will keep happening until we fix the wording in the manual.
So each time I feel the urge to eat when I'm not physically hungry, my first step is to stop and identify the feeling I'm having, then figure out where that feeling comes from. At the root will be a belief for me to explore and challenge and change.
I used to think that I was incapable of changing my feelings, that they were just there and I could only keep trying to change how I reacted to them. To think that I have the ability to actually change the cause of those feelings is empowering.
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