Regrets

Whenever I find myself feeling "regret" I am usually successful in talking myself out of the feeling. Regret is a waste of time. The past is gone. Learn from it, yes...let it ruin your present with negative feelings and "should have, could have" thinking...NO.

But when it hits your heart, sometimes you just have to have that good cry before you can let it go.

I was on my way home from an AWESOME workout yesterday afternoon. I was feeling so fabulous...my trainer has me in a "strength building" cycle, and we hit a couple of new highs on the weights I lifted. What I was feeling was the pride of accomplishment...working towards and achieving something I've never done before.

Then these words sang out from my radio:

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
(Because You Loved Me, words and music by Diane Warren, performed by Celine Dion)

The man I saw in my mind at that moment - my father - is not here to see me take these steps towards health and fitness. He also struggled with his weight, so he knew my struggle. Who knows what could have been? Had I done this ten or twenty years ago, perhaps he would have joined me. At the very least, it would have made him happy to see me do this.

I'm not saying I should have done this for him. Whenever you make a change in your life, you have to do it for yourself. Doing it for somebody else doesn't work.

The people who truly love you love you just as you are. My father loved me and was proud of everything I did. But I also know he suffered by seeing me suffer, especially because it was me hurting myself. And I regret causing him that pain.

I'll finish that cry now, then put this regret away and move on.